Those of us who had a good mother growing up were generally given some good and practical advice:
Don’t swim right after you eat.
Don’t bite your fingernails.
Don’t suck your thumb.
Eat your vegetables.
Don’t be late for school.
Don’t stay out too late.
Don’t stay up too late.
Do your homework.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Don’t sleep in too long.
Don’t skip breakfast.
Put on your coat before you go outside in the cold.
Brush your teeth.
Look both ways before you cross the street.
Don’t take candy from a stranger
Take your vitamins.
Don’t get into a strange car.
Then the government started to give us what it thought was motherly advice:
Don’t eat eggs.
Don’t eat butter.
Don’t smoke.
Don’t consume trans fat.
Don’t breathe in second-hand smoke.
Don’t eat too much red meat.
Don’t drink sugar-laden soft drinks.
Don’t use chewing tobacco.
Don’t use drugs.
Don’t abuse alcohol.
Exercise.
Don’t inhale fumes.
Wear your seat belt.
Wear a bicycle helmet.
Wear a motorcycle helmet.
Don’t drink and drive.
Don’t text and drive.
Sneeze or cough into your elbow instead of your hand.
If you see something, say something.
But now the government actually thinks that it is our mother:
Don’t forget to wash your hands for at least twenty seconds all throughout the day.
Don’t shake hands with anyone for any reason.
Don’t hug anyone for any reason.
Don’t visit anyone in the hospital.
Wear a face mask whenever you leave the house.
Don’t visit anyone in a nursing home.
Don’t go to a bar.
Don’t go to the beach.
Don’t go to an amusement park.
Don’t go to a sporting event.
Don’t take your kids to a playground.
Use hand sanitizer all throughout the day.
Don’t take your kids to a park.
Don’t go to a museum.
Maintain social distancing of at least six feet.
Don’t get a haircut.
Don’t go to the movie theatre.
Keep your interactions brief.
Don’t go to the nail salon.
Don’t go to unessential businesses.
Avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth.
Don’t sing in church.
Don’t take communion in church.
Don’t go to church at all.
Don’t take a cruise.
Refrain from gathering with family and friends.
Don’t go bowling.
Don’t sit on a park bench.
Don’t play basketball at a park.
Don’t fly on a plane.
Stay home if you feel even the slightest bit ill.
Get tested for Covid-19 even if you have no symptoms and don’t feel sick.
Minimize the travel of your employees.
Don’t go on a date with a stranger.
Install Plexiglas shields at your place of business.
Avoid close contact with anyone who is even the slightest bit sick with any illness.
Stay home as much as possible.
Regularly disinfect everything in your home or business and then do it again.
Listen to the government experts about the dangers of the coronavirus.
Oh, and I almost forgot: Don’t exhale without wearing a mask—you might kill someone.
Hey government, you are a mother all right, but you are not our mother. If we want to voluntarily do any of the above things, that is our business. But we don’t need you to tell us what to do.
